The three Ways To Love Someone So Well That They Feel Secure In Your Relationship

The three Ways To Love Someone So Well That They Feel Secure In Your Relationship

According to attachment theory in psychology, loving well is about building a secure emotional connection with your partner.

how human beings respond in relationships when hurt, separated from loved ones, or perceiving a threat."
not sustaining healthy relationships.

Attachment research on adults has shown the same is true for adult relationships.

adults who are loved unconditionally feel secure in their skin and in the world around them, which gives them the ability to choose a securely attached relationship, too.

Healthy relationships require a secure emotional connection.

When we have a strong emotional connection and are securely attached to our lover, our relationship can flourish.

When you're in a securely attached relationship, your heart and mind shift, making a compromise and sacrificial love seem second nature. You become "other" focused. You no longer need the world to revolve around you. You no longer need to cling to your independence in fear of losing yourself; the reverse is true. You will become your true self in the arms of another.

An insecure emotional connection, however, will result in conflict, cyclical arguments, and mistrust. Without a secure emotional connection, you are knocking on the door of heartbreak and heartache because emotionally insecure adult relationships are vulnerable to infidelity, emotional and sexual affairs (betrayals), addictions, and divorce.

So practically speaking, what does loving someone well and building a secure connection look like?

1) "Feel" your partner's heart instead of trying to solve their problems
Loving well requires hearing and feeling your partner's heart and responding appropriately — a cornerstone of secure, healthy relationships.

However, many men have trouble with this because they are "problem-solvers."

They find it easier to find a solution than to sit and be emotionally supportive. It takes practice. But usually, that's what women want and need.

In securely attached healthy relationships, loving well is responding to your lover's fears or struggles with a hug and a look into their eyes that says, "That must feel awful. I'm so sorry you're hurting." This strengthens your emotional connection.

2) Make time for your partner
Being available and accessible to your partner can help you establish a secure, emotional connection.

Life is busy. The world must be spinning faster than ever, but you've got to slow it down and make time for your primary relationships.

You might even be more attentive to your co-workers than you are to your lovers. But come on, work is work and should never take priority over your partner.

3. Be present
Loving well requires being all in, all there, all present to your lover. Put down the cell phone, turn off the TV,

Sit side-by-side and give your all to the one who is your all. Look into their eyes. Hold their hand. Tune out the world for just a few minutes and feel each other's presence. Focus on your emotional connection.

Life's responsibilities will be there when you check back in. But for now, it's your time to be alone, to be each other's priority.